ALOT of bull

I am so tired of people showing their ignorance.

let's get this straight. If you are going to refer to A LOT of stuff, it is spelled "A LOT", not "ALOT". There's a space between the A, and the LOT. It's two words, A LOT! Even LOTS of stuff is better than ALOT of stuff. You can say LOTS, that's OK, it works, it's the plural of LOT.

The word ALOT does not even exist. However the word ALLOT does. To ALLOT is to divvy something up, to set aside, or distribute as a portion.

For example: If you have 1000 pizzas, and a Superdome full of pizza eaters, you have A LOT (or LOTS) of pizza. If you need to distribute that pizza between the pizza eaters you have to ALLOT a portion of the thousand pizzas to each pizza eater. You need to ALLOT A LOT of pizza. See, it's simple.

Come on people listen to what you're saying, read what you're writing. Try a spell checker once in a while; it’s amazing what you can learn from one. In fact, this little rant of mine is driving my spell checker crazy. It keeps asking me, "What are ya, stupid? Alot isn't even a word dumb ass."

Here's another one. I have an STD. That means I must HAVE got it from someone. Not, I must OF got it from someone. Here's where the confusion comes in. The conjunction of the two words must and have is must've, as in I must've got this STD from someone. It isn't pretty, but it works, and it sounds just like "must of". What you're saying is "must've", not "must of". When did we get so stupid that we think we are saying, “I must OF got this STD from a toilet seat?" Who is the ignoramus that decided the word OF is appropriate in this case? Can't you hear the difference? One is English, and the other is gibberish. Didn't anybody learn this in grade school except for me?

If you use "alot", a lot, or "must of" ever, you are a functional illiterate in my book. It’s time to take some English classes.

(I can hear it now, half of you are cheering me, and the other half are calling me names)

One of the first things one nation will do in order to conquer another nation is to attempt to destroy the enemy's language, in other words, it’s very ability to communicate. Those of you who happily comply with the bastardization of the English language are just handing our nation over to the next enemy that tries to conquer us, and that my friends, is right around the corner.

I know some of you will read this and say “What an idiot! Who cares about ALOT, ALLOT, LOTS, MUST HAVE, MUST OF?" You’re right, this level of sheer ignorance really doesn’t impact society to a very large degree, it is just wrong. What it does accomplish is, it separates the stupid from the smart. I’m not insisting that we all be able to write the next great American novel, hell, I sure couldn’t do it. But my God, at least use words that exist. Just because alot of people do it wrong does not make it right. (Did you see that? Alot? Good, you're catching on.)

Look at it this way. If you come to me looking for a job with all the degrees you can earn, a fist full of certificates, and years of experience, and I see one "alot", or one "must of" in your résumé anywhere, forget it. You will not get a call, you will not get an interview, and you definitely won't get the job. (I wonder how many of you are going to quit reading this right now, and take a look at your résumé’s.)

Seriously, try a spell checker. I know it goes against a lot of peoples sensibilities these days to be told they are wrong, let alone by a machine. However, if you go through life doing simple things wrong, you appear stupid, and I don't care about your sensibilities.

I don't really get my kicks by pointing out to people how stupid they can be. People tend to point it out for me on their own just fine.

I’m no Shakespeare, but at least I can speak the language. Have I made myself clear? I must of, I feel better now.

Next time we tackle the three 2's. (to, too, two)